It's my birthday

...and I'm really excited. I don't have much of anything to do today besides work and I don't have any real plans. I managed to whine my way into getting a cell phone for my birthday, which is nice. I've already heard from two of my brothers and my former roommate, which was really nice. Chanda sent me an e-mail...it was tight. I talked to Alex briefly too and the weather is gorgeous. It should be a great day...

Man, Dawg...

...why do most conversations (at least among my little circle) start like this? And why don't I, being me, find this the least bit odd? I mean, I used to be the queen of good (well, decent) grammar. Now I'm the princess of STL colloquialisms. I just thought that to be worthy of note. LOL...

In other news, today is my cousin Danielle's birthday. I was thinking of calling her, but we're not really close and I really don't like her. I can't help but feel a little bit guilty, but at the same time, no one likes everyone they meet. Personally, I dislike most people I meet. It's just unfortunate that she happens to be related to me, because that means I dislike a relative. In actuality, I dislike most of my relatives. Anyway, there are only 10 more days til my own birthday (well, 9 not counting today). I am praying for nice weather, just so my spirits are lifted.

I got an A on one part of my Greek Lit midterm...hopefully that will offset the terrible grade I'm expecting on the other part. I don't have anything else to report. Hmm...

My blogging past, revisited

I was bored and decided to read my blog archives to see the things I was thinking, feeling, and writing six months ago. Some things of interest showed up, and I thought I might address them now.

Oct. 25, 2004--Sex can be great, can't it? I imagine that lovemaking is infinitely better...some day I want to find out. I don't think I'm cut out for sex...at this point it's what I want, because I've never experienced it before...but eventually I will want more. And then what?

Well, eventually has finally arrived. In the last few weeks it has started becoming more and more apparent to me that I want more out of sex than just sex. The problem is that my body doesn't listen to my brain. I know that for my own mental and emotional well-being I need to stop having sex until I am in a productive relationship (and no, that doesn't mean I'm sleeping around, it just means that I have a f--- buddy, not a significant other), but I can't seem to get a handle on the issue just yet. Hopefully I will soon see the light at the end of tunnel on that one...

Nov. 3, 2004--At any rate...my NYRes last year was: Be a more positive person and affect others in a positive manner. At the moment, I really suck. First off, I know that the majority of my thoughts are negative. I can't help it. I have negative thoughts about myself, I'm overly critical of others...in general I think I just have a bad attitude, and that makes me sad because I don't want to be that kind of person. My main goal in life is to be a good person...I want people to smile when they think of me, like I smile when I think of certain people. The trouble is...I'm not all that good, and it is hard for me to behave well for long periods of time.

Hmm, this still hasn't changed and we're already well into the new year. Why can't I change this character flaw? Maybe seeing it once more will finally get it to sink in. I'm going to really, really try...starting right now, today.

Nov. 13, 2004--So I've accepted the new me--I didn't have a choice; it was that or begin to really hate myself. But now I'm disappointed. I am a new me; in some ways I am better and in many ways I am not. I'm disappointed that the new better me, can't share this new part of myself. I feel like I need to keep me underwraps...and I don't like it. Maybe someday, if I'm good, I'll get to share it with someone. I guess, until then...I just need to suck it up and stop whining.

I don't know what to say about this other than I think it's interesting to look back on. I'm still trying to be a new, better me and I'm still failing every day; however, there are some real successes in there. I still feel like I can't share "me" with people, though, because (like with the Terri thing) they won't just accept "me." Once I can get over that, I'll be all good.

Nov. 29, 2004--In life, some things are a big deal. But most of the things people (myself included) spazz about, really aren't that big of a deal. So I'm going to try to keep it that way. Pray for me...

I find this absolutely hilarious...as many times as I've told myself I'm not going to be a spazz, I'm still the worst spazz in the world. Tomorrow's another day, right? I'll spazz less tomorrow, then.

I'll add more later...

Why...

Why do people say hurtful things to others? I guess that I'm probably just being overly-sensitive, but today one of my friends said something that hurt me a lot. We were talking about general stuff and I said that I was going to look at an apartment today and she's like, "Oh, are you staying up here for the summer?" I said, "Well, if God can work something out for me then yes." Then she laughed and said, "That's funny coming from you." She went on to tell me that the way I talk ( I swear, a lot) and things I do make if funny for me to believe in God. That hurt. Especially because she's said a couple hurtful things to me in the past few weeks.

It hurt most because I feel like I can never just be who I am and be accepted. I cuss. I cuss a lot. I'm doing much better recently, but the point is still the same--that doesn't mean I cannot and do not love God. It bothers me that in her mind the two are mutually exclusive. I guess it got under my skin because I feel like people are always critiquing me and I always come up short. Oh, well...

Wonderful, Wonderful Weekend

Well, the weather was too bad for us to go to Red Lobster on Thursday, so me, Momma and Steven just decided to go while we were in St. Louis. Friday we drove down and we stayed in a great hotel downtown and just generally did the tourist thing. It was a good thing for me...it really improved my mood and was just good for my overall mental and physical health.

I'm ready to start working on my scrapbook, but there was a glitch in the processing. I have to wait until I go home again to get my pictures, but I've got all the "stuff." I can't wait to get going on this...it's going to be so cute. I even brought my mom's special scissors back (they cut zig-zags and stuff).

I took a test today. Yeah, I know. What kind of terrible teacher gives an exam on the Monday after spring break? Dr. Phipps. I like him a lot, but I was not thrilled with this. Doesn't matter though. I was way more prepared for this test than the last one. I'm almost positive I'm going to get an A...if I don't, I'll probably commit homicide. I need to get going on my essay test for my Greek class and I need to write a 5-7 page midterm paper for my film class. Those are the only two stressors left in this week, so hopefully everything shapes up well.

Also, the weather is gorgeous. I love springtime; it makes me feel so alive. I really enjoy the sensation of knowing that everything around me is coming to life and growing and flowering...I feel like it's a whole new start and that I can take on anything. I know--I'm a colossal dork, but it's ok. I've accepted it. LOL...

So tired

I get the results of my bloodwork later today (you know, after sunrise, LOL). Hopefully they'll say "you have an iron deficiency, take these pills and you'll be fine." Hopefully.

I got drunk off my ass last night for the first time in like 5 months. It was so hard--I wanted to vomit every time I took a shot (since the last time I got fucked up I've had a physical revulsion to alcohol). I had like seven or eight straight vodka shots. I'm a lightweight; two will have me swinging from the trees...I was shitfaced drunk. Sorry for bothering you in the middle of the night Richanda. Remind me to tell you about what happened to me...

Today is my mom's birthday. I'm taking her and my brother out to dinner at Red Lobster. I friggin' hate seafood, but she loves it and I want her to have a special day.

I'm so tired...

No one understands my pain...

I went to the doctor and they did bloodwork. Yes, bloodwork. They took out my blood. They went into my body with their cold, hard needles and removed my life-giving elixir. Why does no one understand how deeply I'm wounded because of this?

I'm home, I'm happy, I'm sick

I made it home today at like 1:30...on the dot, and I left at 10:30 on the dot. I must have been burnin' up the highway cuz I stopped and ate lunch, too, LOL. I swear I wasn't speeding...I did 69 in a 65, if it's not 5 over, it doesn't even count. Anyway...

I'm so happy to be home, I missed my house and my bed and my parents. It's weird cuz I think both of them missed me too, even my daddy has been talking to me and being nice and stuff. Momma's birthday is Thursday, I'm taking her and Steven out to Red Lobster to celebrate. I hate seafood. Blech.

I have a Doc's appointment tomorrow to find out what's wrong with me. I have just been so tired lately. Could be mono, could be low iron in my blood. Hopefully they can fix me, because I've just been sleeping ridiculous amounts of time. My head hurts and I'm burning music. I'm out.

Spring Break in 3-2-1

Well, I got all of my papers and stuff done on time so now I'm set to be a completely mindless drone for the next week. I'll be going home either Saturday or Sunday and I'll probably party in Iowa City with Mandy on Tuesday and party at Big Muddy's on Wednesday, with Mandy, LOL.

I have an essay test to complete by the 16th, and since it will be like 7 pages worth of work, I think I'll try to have it done, or at least well underway before I leave for home, because I'm not doing shit once I hit the highway.

Richanda left already, so it's just me and Alex for right now. I'm planning on doing some laundry and cleaning up before I leave, so that's my project for the next couple days. For the next few hours though, I'm going to crank up the music and let loose. Since I can't download and make mix cds til I get home, I'm relying on AOL Music to supply me with my favorite new shit. I feel like such a weightless soul right now...hopefully it can only get better.

I'm out y'all...

So stress-free...

...that's how I feel right now. So stress-free. Oddly enough, I have two huge papers due tomorrow and I haven't started. But at least my date is over (and it went well).

I don't really feel the need to document it now, but I just wanted to say that it was fun and we'll see what develops in the next few weeks.

Been a hectic week...

...but I've had something to look forward to.

While I was blogging Monday night about Jeffrey not calling me, he was trying to reach me in my room. I thought that was funny. I talked to him for awhile that night and we're going out tomorrow. Supposed to be ice skating, but I'm a bit nervous...I'll probably fall on my ass a million times. I already had to promise all and sundry that I won't cuss and that I'll wear make-up and Richanda has already got dibs on helping me with my hair, so even if nothing comes out of this...at least I'll look good. LOL...

I got a 96 on my sociology test...rock on.

I finished my Greek Myth paper and turned it in on time and I think it's well-written. Hopefully my teacher agrees. I had a little inspiration from an outside source, I'd like to thank them (even though I know they won't see this).

Just two more papers to go and then it's Spring Break here I come! I'm going home and I'm thrilled. I dunno when I'm leaving though...depends on some stuff...

I'm out, for now...

PreMed

Paging Dr. Jeffery...Paging Dr. Jeffery...

I like him much better than the other one...