More good news and a revised name list...

I just found out yesterday that I can use the Federal loan to buy school books, which means I won't have to come up with $500 out of pocket. That's great news. I'm going to save all the money I'll make in July and go school shopping, which I haven't done in two years. I'm looking forward to buying some new jeans...I need them.

Chanda redid her name list (one name for each sex for each letter of the alphabet). I've been redoing mine a lot lately and enlisting the help of my cousin and company. I'm sorry Wink...I couldn't stop myself. LOL...here's my new lists.

Boys

Adam
Bryce
Christopher
Donovan
Evan
Franklin
Gabriel
Hayden
Isham
John
Keiran
Landon
Michael
Nathan (Nate)
Owen
Preston (or Pier...but I think "Pier" is a little too different)
Quincy
Rohan or Roman
Steven or Sean
Tobias
Ulysses
Van
Wesley
Xander
Yes (stole it from Chanda...it's not practical, but it's Hott)
Zachary

Girls *denotes a middle name only

Alexa
Bridget
Christa or Caitlin
Diana
Eve or Eleanor
Faye
Gianna or Gladys*
Hazel
Isabelle or Isla
Jane or Jean*
Kayla
Leah or Louise*
Maren
Natalie
Olivia
Paloma or Phaedra
Quannie
Renee
Sylvia or Sarah (Sadie)
Theresa
Ursula (LOL)
Vivian
Wendy
Xanthe
Yvonne
Zora

Sometimes I think I'm too "tight" to live...

I'm at home for the weekend. I came to clean the house in preparation for company next week. I opened my mail, though, and I had some crap from Maryville. My financial aid award for the entire year is listed at $28,850. That includes a $3500 dollar loan that I don't plan on accepting. That means...they're still giving me $25, 350 worth of financial aid for my sophomore year...which is exactly how much it will cost to live on campus and be enrolled full-time (minus my $150 room deposit and $110 technology fee). My total expense for the year...$260, plus the cost of books. I think that's pretty tight.

Mother, may I...bring a man home for dinner?

So...I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but...Asshole is going home with me for a BBQ on July 3rd. So...yeah...that should be interesting. I really want my momma to like him, even though, as she's told me my whole life, it doesn't matter if my family likes him as long as I do. I'm not worried about Daddy--he hates everyone. Steven should be ok...and well, TeAhnna, too. I'm really, really nervous. I don't know why...does it even matter? It shouldn't. He won't be nervous though...I wasn't when I met his family. And they were all really sweet, too. I really liked his cousins...very nice boys. Anyway...I'll probably get all worked up about nothing and it'll be fine and the family won't much care one way or the other.

I wonder if I'll have time to go to the movies.

I think I'm a Cancer...

...not like cancer...not like a disease. I mean a Cancer like the Zodiac sign. According to Richanda, Cancers are sensitive, giving, and kind. I've become all those things recently. Also according to Richanda, I'm not allowed to jump two Zodiac signs (Taurus and Gemini) and I'm behaving like a typical Aries (melodramatic, violent, and stubborn). I guess there could be a little truth to that. But I still think I'm a Cancer, and if anyone doesn't agree...I'll strangle them. Well, not exactly, LOL.

In other news...I'm having real maturity issues. I've stopped dating Ishmael, but haven't found the courage to call him and officially end whatever relationship we may have had. I kinda want to just send him a text message, but everyone seems to think that would be "wrong." Ordinarily, I'd agree...but I mean, it's not like we dated for three years. We had two official dates. Two. I think a text message is more than fair. Which is one reason I'm having maturity issues.

The other reason is that I decided Asshole is my boyfriend. He didn't disagree...but I wonder if he agrees. I think so, but I'm not sure. I'm also really insecure about the whole situation...and that insecurity is like a cancer. It's spreading throughout my whole life and slowly devouring me from the inside. I keep telling myself that I'm being ridiculous. I'm also not being true to myself...which I'm only just realizing as I type. Lately I've been letting other people's opinions influence my way of thinking. And everyone else is negative--he's too old, too "unestablished," too the wrong color, too wrong for me. But before I started listening to other motherfuckers, I never had a problem with any of that. I've come up with my own "problem" with our relationship though...and that's what I need to focus on (the parental thing, LOL)--being mature enough to get over that...and saying screw everyone else.

Updates

Well, I'm back in the good ol' STL region. I didn't even last a full week at home. I don't know what it is...I just don't feel like I fit anywhere. I guess I'm "home"-less. I think it will be better when I'm a little older and more financially stable and can get my own apartment. I'm looking at doing that around May of 2006. That sounds kind of far away, but it isn't really and I have a lot of stuff to do in the meantime. I need to find a roommate, an affordable apartment and start looking at setting up a household...this includes a budget, a bill system and furnishings. I can't wait though. I wish I could afford to do it on my own because I have a feeling I won't be able to find a roommate.

What is wrong with me? I really think something must be. I can't seem to make friends with anyone who is like me. I want to get out and do stuff and see more of the world. I figure that now is the best time--I'm young and childless and I don't have anything to do but worry about myself. So why don't I do the things I'd like to do? Because none of my friends are into that stuff. I'm used to doing things alone, but some things you just can't do alone. I'd be crazy to go on a weekend trip by myself. I don't know...something tells me that I won't ever find people that see things like I do. Which means I will end up alone anyway. That's kind of depressing isn't it?

In other news, I've still been dating Ishmael, although I haven't talked to him much this week. I'm feeling kind of down and anti-social at the moment. Maybe I will call him tonight and see if we can't get together. Dunno quite yet.

I think that's bout it...