An interesting name find...

On the name site I use, there's been mention of the name Anina (uh-KNEE-nuh) the last few days. Behind the Name lists it as a German pet form of Anne, but one of the Hebrew specialists says it's Hebrew (more specifically Aramaic) and means "Answer my prayer." In terms of my own life, I find it pretty, much like my sister's name Amina (which is Arabic and means 'honest'), and I think Nina is a good nickname. I like also that it is Hebrew, like Miriam and Caleb, and that it has such a wonderful meaning. "Answer my prayer" and "bitterly wished for child" go great together as meanings go (Anina and Miriam) and I think they'd sound lovely as sisters.

I did a bad thing, and now I'm seriously disturbed.

Well, it wasn't such a bad thing. I read one of my cousin's friend's blogs. That would be no biggie since I used to read his friend's blogs all the time, and still do read from time to time, except that this person (Jess) got a new blog because someone broke into her old one. Vince wouldn't give me the address to her new blog, so I stole it from him when he wasn't looking. The last I'd heard (from her old blog) Jess was moving to NC with her husband and her son, Peter. In the new blog, Peter is only mentioned once--and she's saying that he'll need to be at his dad's house when she meets her new love. She's met the guy, already, this I know, but that was a day dream about what meeting him would entail. But still, that's the only time Peter is mentioned.

I don't really know Jess that well, but I have a feeling that she's a hopeless romantic. That's cool. I'm just worried because all the blogs that aren't surveys, are about her new boyfriend Steve. I don't begrudge anyone love in life--Lord knows I don't, look what it's done for me--but I worry because at one point Peter was her love and now it almost seems like he's fallen by the wayside. I'm not in any danger of anyone that knows them or cares reading this blog, and I'd never want to offend her if she did read it...it just, I don't know. I don't think that parents should stop existing as people, and stop seeking love or anything, but I worry when that love becomes more important than the children involved. That isn't to say she no longer loves her son, by any means, it's just less apparent in her blogs. But congrats to Jess on the new love, I'm sure she deserves it.

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops...

My title really doesn't have jack to do with my post. I really don't have anything to post about. I was just trying to waste time. Funny, how that didn't work.

Happy Birthday, Dear.

Today is Joshua's birthday. He's not too thrilled. I drove out to the house to get him this morning and he wasn't even out of bed yet. He was mumbling something about it being too early and him being too old, but I wasn't really listening. I had to get up at 5:00 a.m. to make it out there on time...so I was pretty much wired and ready to play. I jumped on the bed. I sung songs. I danced. He told me that no one should be allowed to be so chipper at that hour. I mean...that's not my fault.

My plan is to sneak over to the apartment in the early afternoon and clean. Then I'm going to bake a cake and try to figure out how the hell one goes about cooking steak. He's got presents already, so I don't need to worry about that. I wonder if Wink wants to come out later. We'll see about making that happen, too. I hope he has a good birthday. I'm trying to ease the pain of turning 30. Personally, I don't think 30 is that old...but then again...I'm only about to turn 20. LOL.

Brrr! It's cold out here...

Ah, damn cold weather. It was 11 degrees when I took Josh to work this morning. I know that it can, and will, get a lot colder, but it still sucks. Florida is looking really good, suddenly. Speaking of out of state, I told him that we can't possibly have kids because he's stuck in Missouri until his kid gets older and if I want to up and change jobs in a new city, I'm going to--and I'm taking my baby with me (this is my hypothetical baby, of course).

We also talked about his mother's acceptance, or lack of it, for a child of ours. I know that when you are with someone, it shouldn't matter how their family feels, but thinking of the hurtful things that have happened to some of my nieces and nephews, I don't know if I could deal with someone hurting my child that way. He said he thinks Naomi would just be the favorite, but that's intolerable to me. Especially because something tells me that she'd be his favorite, too. I don't know...none of this really matters right now, and I need to just get over it and put it out of my mind.

I do know that I miss being 'home.' This summer I got really used to our brand of domesticity. I'm back to not wanting to be an RA. Mostly just because this week (finals week) everyone has been wanting my time and attention and I just want to study and be a hermit. It's much easier to be a hermit when I'm with Josh, at home. I just keep thinking about all the responsibilities I have at school that I don't want. I really would like to be like other people--go to class, maybe go to work, and let that be it. Instead, I'm an RA, I'm in every club known to man. I did quit the danceteam though, so that's one less thing on my plate. I'm just feeling overwhelmed. I wished I knew what would be best for me down the road so that I could make an intelligent and informed decision. Instead I have a feeling that no matter what I do, I 'll regret it at some point in the future. But then, what's life without a few regrets? Pretty boring, that's what. LOL.

It's nice to be at peace.

Life is good.

The semester is winding down. I turned in my term paper, which was complete BS, but according to the professor no one got below a B. He also keeps telling me that I'm a good student, so there's hope that I may get an A. I only have two more tests and four short writing assignments and then I'm done. Joy.

I'm really happy with my boyfriend at the moment. Not for any particular reason. I was remembering something that his father told me at Thanksgiving. He said, "If two people want to be together, nothing will keep them apart. If two people don't want to be together, nothing anyone can say or do will keep them together and happy." Thinking about it, I realized that I do want to be with Joshua. I don't care about the difference in ages, race, education, etc. I don't care if no one on this earth approves. I'm happy. And since resolving that, I've quit trying to tear the relationship down from the inside. Cool.

In other news, I've decided that (Joshua or no Joshua) I'd like to have a baby in 2010. That's five years from now, so I'll be out of school, I'll have bought, or be getting read to buy, my house, and I should have a good, stable career. We'll see. I've also decided that my first child will be called Miriam Eve or Caleb Aaron. I won't say why, but they're both great names, with lots of meaning. You can't go wrong with Biblical names; that's my motto.

I'm excited for Christmas. My sister and the baby will be home to visit. Michaela will be one on Dec. 9th, and she's been pottying for practically two months now. Smart girl. ;-)