Tim G, Trevor K, and any other internet friends of mine...

I don't know how to get in touch with any of you, so I'm hoping that at some point you'll read my blog and contact me.

Trevor, I hope Uni is going well for you. Let me know which e-mail address you use, so that way I can contact you.

Tim, how's basketball season? I definitely have lots of things to tell you. My life is so mixed up right now. More than I can write about here. Anyway...I'll try to email you, but I don't know that I'll be able to.

Daisy, Katy, anyone else that may have this url--I don't know any way to contact you all, but I'd like to. Same goes for Cajun, Red, Betsy, Smelly and the like (even though you don't get along with them anymore).

Thanks!

Just around the corner

I can't believe it's almost February. It seems like only 4 weeks ago I was drinking sparkling grape juice and opening Christmas presents. Hmm. That's probably because it was four weeks ago. Four long, depression filled weeks ago. I'm definitely happy not to be living on campus, but I feel really disconnected from all of my friends. The other day I realized that as hard as I've tried to stay "tight" with my friends at school, it just hasn't happened. I finally stopped calling them to "see what's up" al l the time. I see them when I'm passing between classes and at some meals, but other than that, I never really know what's going on anymore.

I told Josh the other day that, sadly, he's my best friend. I'm not always very good at being tactful, because I didn't mean that I don't want to be his friend, just that...I wish I had other, outside friends. One good thing, though, is that I'm keeping in better touch with my friends from home, which it's easy to not do when I'm on campus. I'm going to try to go home next weekend. I think I just need some time to myself to recharge nd get my head straight. Josh and I had a really bad fight this week, and although we're over it...well, I think I just need to get away.

I think it's crazy that you can love someone and do things to hurt them, deliberately or accidentally. In this particular case, it was a double edged sword. He did something that he knew would cause me to worry, because he thought that the worry and the fear would make me realize that I should be careful what I wish for. It backfired, though, because instead of reacting the way he thought I would, I wound up worrying about him, not myself. In the process, I really withdrew from him, which hurt him. After we both hurt each other, it all came out during an argument, and we didn't speak for a long time. It was terrible. It seems silly now, it was painful. I think we're better off, though, because we both realize that keeping motives and things secret can wind up causing more trouble than it's worth. Hopefully this weekend we'll be able to relax and be happy again.

Back to School...sort of...

Well, school started back up for me this Tuesday. Sort of. Well, classes did start, but I did not return to campus to be a good little RA. I know...craziness of all craziness, right? My mother is severely disappointed and worried about me (I moved in with Josh), but in general I'm happier. My life is more mellow. I go to school, I go to work, and then I do whatever I feel like. I don't have to be any more or less responsible than I want to. It's nice. It will be even nicer once I get into a set routine again and have everything all set-up at the apartment. I still haven't finished un-packing, and it's been two weeks.

As for classes, I really like my Sociology of the Family course. U.S. History will be fun, too, even if I do have a 12 page research paper to be working on. I even think both of my Comm classes (PR writing and Global Comm) will be fun and more interesting than my prereqs. But, I have a religion class about death...which, although it sounds interesting, is weird because the teacher is nuts. I also have a speech class that is so remedial (for me, who took speech for years in high school) it makes me want to drill holes in my eyeballs. I'm trying to get out of that class, but I don't know what I would replace it with. We'll see.

I'm looking for a new job. I think it's time for a change, and a pay increase. I love the people that I work with now, but I'm ready to move on. Well, I should be working on some homework, so...I guess I'll get to it.

Happy New Year!

Well...it's now the new year and 2006 is looking to be, well...2006. I'd say that it's going to be better than '05, but I'm not so sure. Right now I'm feeling kind of in Limbo. I don't want to go back to school (well, campus...class is fine). I'm in debt up to my ears (only about $300 but I'm not working until school starts again...damn medical bills). My room is a mess and I spend lots of time being emotional. Yep...life is life. Nothing out of the ordinary. I do think 2006 will be a good year, but it's going to start out pretty slow.

I do have one bright spot, sappy as it is. Things with Joshua are pretty great. We fight and bicker all the time, like cats and dogs, but it doesn't matter. We have fun together, too. And he makes me feel very comfortable. Is that good? I know that many people don't want to get "comfortable" with their significant other because it means the spark is gone or some silly shit, but he and I generate plenty of spark, but I can count on him to hold my head when I throw up and not be grossed out. It's that kind of familiarity and it's a beautiful thing.

In other news...Chanda's got a young tender after her and she's straight trippin'. She always talks about a non-existent love life and how no one likes her but then she finds fault with the guys that do. Or she won't call them. Or admit she likes them. Or go hang out with them. Because they're too quiet, too young, too crazy, or whatever BS excuse she comes up with. Sometimes I think she is sabotaging herself. We're only almost-20-somethings. I highly doubt we're going to stumble on Mr. Right (with a good job, house, car, etc) right now. Being in school and having something to say is a good start...go with it, Chanda!

Alex's phone is broken so I can't talk to her. Heard she got drunk and high for the new year. Drunk I can deal with...high? C'mon Alex!