Life, or something like it...

Well, it's been a minute since I updated. Things with A-hole (see the "It's Over" blog) are just as confusing/infuriating/tangled as ever. Now that we're just friends (supposedly platonic) I thought things would straighten out--I was wrong. It's mostly my fault; I should have walked away from him completely, but something in me just can't do that yet. Time will tell if I've made the right decision in continuing our friendship.

The stuff with Rob is well and truly over. I'll be happy never to speak with him again (for fear I might go off).

The end of the year is approaching. I'm already slacking on final papers and such, but for my group sociology project I actually took some initiative. I'm scheduling an interview with a local gentrification expert. I can't believe how responsible and goal oriented I'm being.

In other news, Richanda met Gold last night. We drove to Marshall, MO to see his musical. He's a terrible dancer and he needs to get his hair done, but he's cute and very nice and well mannered. I'm not sure if she still likes him, but I hope she does. I think he's a good guy and they look cute together.

Iry will be staying with me next weekend. Friday night TeAhnna is taking us out to dinner at IHOP. Saturday we're going to Hoop It Up and the Science Center. Sunday she's going home. I hope I survive the weekend. How am I supposed to relate to a 10 year old, one-on-one, for like 3 whole days? Dunno bout this...

I still haven't decided if I'm staying or going this summer. I'd love to stay, but I need cash. God will work out whatever needs working out--I have to trust in Him.

Well, that's all for now, folks. Have a great weekend!

I love Wednesday

Last weekend (Friday thru Sunday) was awful. The week was better, but still not terrific. I'm really glad it's Wednesday though...the week is halfway done. I'm actually doing quite well right now...I didn't cry, I didn't throw things, and although I talked to "him" on Monday and Tuesday (I saw him, too) I think I'm well on my way to being over the bullshit. I really think I only reacted as emotionally as I did on Sunday because of the rest of my shitty weekend. Tonight's plans include getting ready to lead discussion on Friday morning, relaxing my hair, watching American Idol, and trying valiantly not to pick up the phone.

It's over

Is it possible to go through a break-up if you were never officially "with" someone? I'm going to have to say yes, because that is exactly what I feel like right now. Although we were never together in the sense that I would introduce him as my boyfriend, I was in a kind of relationship/friendship/thinga-ma-jigger with a guy and it's over now. I'm kind of heartbroken. Actually, I'm really heartbroken. I don't know why it hurts...I saw it coming, knew it was coming, and needed it to come (so that I can start healing and getting better). Also, I'm kind of pissed because I never intended for my feelings to get involved and eventually hurt. But they did. I'm going to blame that on him, too, because for awhile I resisted getting close to him and he drew me closer and closer. Now I want that closeness and I can't have it. On top of it all, he's in love with someone else and eventually I just got tired of waiting in the shadows and hoping that someday he would see me standing there. I know I don't sound like it, but I really am glad it's over. I just need to let it go and start over.

One thing I did do, and I swear to Jesus I didn't do it with malicious intent, was pray that someday he'll realize what he lost. I really do care for this guy, so it's not like I'm wishing anything bad for him. I want him to be happy and I even want him to get the girl, but I hope that at some point he realizes what he did lose. I'd have given him anything it was in my power to give, all he had to do was ask. Sometimes, he didn't even have to do that. It was just done. But also, no matter how good something is...if you don't want it, it won't make you happy. And I told him that, too. So now I just need to get back to putting the pieces back together. I think I'm ready to start being a whole person again.