It's over

Is it possible to go through a break-up if you were never officially "with" someone? I'm going to have to say yes, because that is exactly what I feel like right now. Although we were never together in the sense that I would introduce him as my boyfriend, I was in a kind of relationship/friendship/thinga-ma-jigger with a guy and it's over now. I'm kind of heartbroken. Actually, I'm really heartbroken. I don't know why it hurts...I saw it coming, knew it was coming, and needed it to come (so that I can start healing and getting better). Also, I'm kind of pissed because I never intended for my feelings to get involved and eventually hurt. But they did. I'm going to blame that on him, too, because for awhile I resisted getting close to him and he drew me closer and closer. Now I want that closeness and I can't have it. On top of it all, he's in love with someone else and eventually I just got tired of waiting in the shadows and hoping that someday he would see me standing there. I know I don't sound like it, but I really am glad it's over. I just need to let it go and start over.

One thing I did do, and I swear to Jesus I didn't do it with malicious intent, was pray that someday he'll realize what he lost. I really do care for this guy, so it's not like I'm wishing anything bad for him. I want him to be happy and I even want him to get the girl, but I hope that at some point he realizes what he did lose. I'd have given him anything it was in my power to give, all he had to do was ask. Sometimes, he didn't even have to do that. It was just done. But also, no matter how good something is...if you don't want it, it won't make you happy. And I told him that, too. So now I just need to get back to putting the pieces back together. I think I'm ready to start being a whole person again.