A glass of optimism served cold...

Amid all my depression, I had an optimistic thought today. Yesterday, I decided to stop thinking about getting married and having children. Even though I really don't mean to, I feel like Joshua feels pressured when I talk about those things. It's going to be hard for me, because I think about having my own family a lot...and have since I was about 16. Since I'm the kind of person that talks about my thoughts, I usually just talk about it without thinking.

Well, we had a big argument Sunday night and we both got some things off of our chest and I've decided to let it go. To forget. I said I wasn't going to mention it again. I'm not going to visit my namesite, and I'm basically going to let that hobby go. I'm not letting it go because he thinks I should, but rather because the being an etymologist makes the thought of children be ever present. I prayed over it, and today...while only being day one, has been a good day. I didn't visit Behindthename.com, and I feel okay about it.

So where's the big glass of optimism amidst all this personal change? Well, I thought about my sister's upcoming wedding and how I will handle all the nosy, critical family members if they should happen to ask when (or if) Joshua and I are getting married. I decided to say, "We don't have any plans to get married--now or in the future. I'm young, and I'm enjoying being young. I have too much to think about right now--my education, my career--I don't need to worry about getting married right now."

And there's the optimism. I have a budding career, not just a "job." I'm working in my chosen profession, in my job market...and I haven't even graduated. I really think that bodes well for my future. I'm doing pretty well with this financial independence thing, too. I'm doing pretty well for myself in more ways than one. I'm not a total screw-up. So yeah...I got pregnant. Luckily, or unluckily depending on my mood, I'm not having a baby right now. God doesn't think I'm ready to have a baby, and so I'm not. Once I get over this mild depression, and once I gain more emotional independence...well, it'll be smooth sailing, now won't it?