Post-Holiday Depression

I'm stuck in one of those really low places. It's absolutely ridiculous. I'm depressed because I'm dying...how stupid is that? Everyone is dying. It's what we're born to do; it's inevitable. So why does it scare me so much? Probably because I'm a big wuss. But anyway...I just keep thinking that one day I'm going to wake up an old woman. And then the day after that, I may not wake up at all. I think what scares me most is the unknown. When I was little and I used to tell my mom that I was afraid to die she would ask me why. She said that I wouldn't know when I died because I wouldn't be able to feel it, but how does she know? She's never died. It's weird. I keep imagining my body without my soul and I just don't like the idea. I can't shake it.

Moving on from my irrational fear of death, lately I seem to be afraid of life. Yeah, I know...I'm an all around nut-case these days. It's not even that I'm afraid of life, but I'm stuck in a "rut" of sorts and I never do anything new. I don't get out and experience life because I'm afraid of making mistakes. Also, I'm afraid to get out there alone, and as much as I love my friends, they aren't the adventurous "experience the crazy things in life" type people.

I just feel like there's something I'm missing, and I have no idea what it is. My life doesn't suck. There are millions, if not billions, of people in the world who would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I have everything I could ever want or dream of, but I'm still not happy. Why is this? What does that say about me? Why do I always seem to want more than what I have?

I'm just rambling. I don't even know what the point of all this is. I'm just really down. I hope I can get out of this pretty soon; it takes too much energy to be depressed.

Oh yeah, and everyone pray for the families that were touched/harmed by that big tsunami. They need all the blessings they can get.