Who am I today?

Today has been one of those days. I woke up at 3 p.m., but that's not bad for a Saturday. I'm not usually the type to sleep the day away, but I don't sleep much during the week any more, and I especially didn't sleep much this week. I've been thinking all this week about who I am. The truth is that I don't have a clue. What a cliche, right? But I really don't.

Somedays I think I really know myself, and others it's like I'm a complete stranger. Then there are days when I know myself and I don't like myself. I hate those days. I hate that I am impatient, and that I have mean thoughts. I've gotten better at keeping those thoughts to myself, but I can't seem to stop having them. I hate that. I hate that I have no idea where I'm going, and I can't stand that I really don't know where I'm coming from. (And Wink, just in case you're reading this...don't tell me that it's ok to not know where I'm going because I'm just starting out...I don't wanna hear that shit LOL)

This post is jumbled because I don't even know what I'm trying to say here...just that I don't know who I am, and I don't even know who I want to be. Do I want to be one of those girls that is perfectly put together at all times? Part of me does, but another part says that how I look shouldn't matter. Do I want to be an intelligent, articulate young lady? Part of me does, the other part realizes that it isn't probable and that knowing a lot of information isn't necessarily going to make my personality attractive to others (meaning that I could be a genius and be friendless because I don't know how to relate to others). Do I want to be typical? No...and I'm not, but what am I? I want to be a good person, but what makes a person "good?" So many questions and I can't answer them...it's so frustrating. I talk to my older friends, siblings and family members and they all tell me that it will come with time, etc....but at this moment, that isn't any consolation. Hmm...I think I'll leave it at that...