I just wasn't thinking

What was I thinking last night? Obviously I wasn't. After cheerleading practice I drove my recently turned 18 friend to Johnnie O's. Although I'd been there the night before, she hadn't ever been to an adult store and wanted to go. No problem, except that we didn't get back until midnight and I hadn't even attempted to start my homework. Add to this that my roommate's fiancee got here yesterday (a Marine, fresh from Okinawa Japan) and he stayed with us last night. I'm sure he's a nice enough guy...but it made me a little uncomfortable because I couldn't change in my room, etc. Anyway, I had to finish my homework and since they were pretending to be asleep I went to the lobby downstairs. This was my mistake.

Alex and Chanda, my friends from school, come downstairs and inform me that this guy that went to school with Chanda and is now trying to "talk" to Alex is on his way here so that they can finally meet in person. Keep in mind, it's after midnight. Oddly enough, everyone on campus seemed to come through the lobby at some point, including some commuter students that should have long been asleep in their beds. So, the guy shows up at about 12:15 and brings his friend (I later find out it's his cousin) with him. So while Alex and D. talk, Chanda and I strike up a conversation with his friend at the same time that all five of us are talking to each other.

What is it about the conversations I have these days? They always turn to sex. Is it me? It has to be me...but I swear I didn't bring it up. So as I'm listening to a back and forth between D. and his cousin (it was about ways to tell if you have "good dick") I'm thinking about sex. More specifically, where I want sex to fit into my life. Do I even want it to fit into my life?

The answer is--I have no idea.

On one hand I have my cousin (the "Master") trying to guide me (the "Grasshopper") through this very confusing stage. He has told me on more than one occasions that I should "get mine" or figure out what I want and then get it. But that's the problem--I have no idea what I want. I honestly do not think that I'm cut out for meaningless sex. Most certainly I don't see myself as the type to sleep around, and I don't want to be that type...but what type do I want to be? I still can't answer that. And it is really, really frustrating.

At any rate, I finished my homework around 3:30 a.m. (true it was only 16 math problems, but who can concentrate with a conversation like that taking place?) and I overslept this morning. It's my fault, and I know it is. Clearly I just wasn't thinking.